"how are you single?"
"I have read the Terms and Conditions"
Everything makes sense now. Spread the word, save a poor confused mind.
My respect level for T-Pain is out the roof right now.
UR STILL FUGLY
I’ve survived a lot of things, and I’ll probably survive this.
J.D. Salinger (via thedapperproject)
Do you ever have that outfit you wear so often you think
"Yes, this is the outfit I’d be drawn in everyday if I was a cartoon"
The Kum and Go. Or as my mom called it, the ejaculate and evacuate.
Jizz and jet
shoot and scoot
blow your load and hit the road
bust ya nut and off ya strut
You are more than your test score.
"GENTLEMEN, WE ARE AT WAR WITH TROY AND MUST NOT DROP OUR GUARD AT ALL"
"sir, the enemy gave us a giant wooden horse"
"oh rad bring it in"
Eating spaghetti with a spoon is a horrible experience 0/10 would recommend